I wanted to be a mother- more than anything this year, two girls, twins even, however, I planned it to the T, I just cancelled my fertility appointment for next month. 
With everything happening around us I personally would be a fool to bring an innocent child into this world. Nothing is going to change. We are fighting a losing battle on our own. Below I try and explain the little that I have come across regarding the Gender Based Violence issue taking place in our country. So troubled and disturbed, I wanted to understand why is this not THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.
I now understand clearly that women and children being raped and killed  is not something new, it goes further back  before we were born and the scariest fact is that back then 'IT WAS NORMAL'. 

The number of reported rapes rose 3.9% to 41 583 in the year through March, the highest in four years. The police have logged 443 387 rapes over the past decade, yet the problem may be understated because such crimes frequently aren’t reported. A total 2 771 women were murdered in the 12-month period.
We are forced to live a life of fear and terror. Not knowing who to trust, when and where. We have reported cases almost every day of women and children going missing, being raped, mutilated and killed.We march the streets broken, angry and in mourning. Our hashtags are forgotten within a week. The accused and some found guilty still roam the streets.
Nothing infuriates me more than the silence from the leaders we expect to champion this fight against G.B.V. It is sad that even the women in power we rely on to be our voice and inherit the spirit of Mam'Winnie', instead they keep silent and when they speak it is empty promises with no visible action and results.
Don't even get me started on the Pastors, Bishop's and highly holy thou whom are nowhere to be found. No national prayer marches or any form of public unity to fight this dilemma in the name of Christ. Why is it?
I, personally have come to a conclusion that we are fighting a losing battle. we are on our OWN! 
When I say we, I am talking about the victims, the survivors, the women, the children, the affected and those whom have no choice but to carry on with the burden of the shadow of death.
I have had the privilege of reading books that not only empower me but educate me above it all regarding G.B.V culture and history in our country. It has taken me on a bitter sweet journey of knowledge and insight from other strong women whom rose above it all and told their story.
When I was a little girl, one of the stories I was told to by my grand mother is that of young girls coming of age and the struggles they faced.
One in particular, Ukuthwala: The traditional practice of ukuthwala sees girls as young as 12 married off to older men. A girl is 'kidnapped' by a man in broad day light and this is justified on the basis that some money or gifts are given to parents in a distortion of traditional ilobolo (dowry) practices. It was infuriating to learn that this was a norm and no one saw this as abuse. This is another level of disgrace driven by gender inequality and the belief that women and girls are somehow inferior to men and boys.
One will argue that some of the girls agreed or were happy and that it was part of the culture etc. but, what about the ones who said no, cried, pleaded or ran back home every chance they got only to be chased back to their 'husbands'
Little did I know, years later I would meet a friend whom went through the same practice. At age 14, she was on her way to school when 'Mandla- 32' took her. He kept her at his place and sent his uncles to her family two days later and the parents accepted and just like that she was married. 
Fast forward 2019, she is 36 years old now, no matric certificate or any form of high education, 3 kids and works as a cleaner she ran away from 'Mandla' 10 years ago. This man had added 2 more wives after her and continued being a (quote) 'womanizer and an abusive monster'. What broke her the most, she shared, is the fact that not only did she not know this man but she was forced to give up on her childhood and her dreams to satisfy another person's needs. She was sold like property and  after years  of abuse and slavery when she decided her kids were old enough and ran away again, her own family turned their backs on her when she returned, forced to start all over again, alone so she moved to Durban.
Redi Tlhabi, author of the controversial book KHWEZI takes us on another journey regarding the history and culture of G.B.V in our country. I know a lot of people believe this book is a negative in society because of the rape case against our former president and all the politics involved. I personally, chose to focus on the bigger picture, knowledge and most importantly the part of history hidden from us.
This book has managed to put a few things into prospective for me. I had a lot of questions regarding the slow mode regarding G.B.V from our leaders only to find, they know this too well. The rape and killings of women did not start now. 
Redi introduced me to "Jackrolling": 
The word "jackroll" was coined to refer to the forceful abduction of women in the black townships by a specific gang called the "Jackroller" which operated in the years 1987/1988 in South Africa-Soweto to be specific. If you belong to this gang, you quickly earned the 'status' of the most feared and powerful man in the township. These boys abducted and raped women, it became so fashionable. It was always committed in the open and the rapists do not make attempts to conceal their identity. It seems that part of the  exercise is to be public about the offence to earn respect.
Redi Tlhabi interviews a woman whom explain how 'jackrollers' were found standing at the school gates just waiting to pick and choose any girl they wanted and nothing anybody can do about it. Day light, community, teachers, parents and other students watched as these girls were being abducted and raped in public. 
She takes us on another aspect, Exile Camps : Khwezi was raped at age 5, 12 and 13 by 'uncles' - whom, mind you, were found guilty but their sentencing was a mere salary deduction- WOW. Just like that. 
As if that was no enough, women whom were comrades suffered gang rapes as one of the punishments or torture. They were forced to stay  in a camp of 500 men and only 20 women, no wonder these men felt they were there to serve them sexually and it was normalized. At Hostels, This one woman went to visit her husband, he worked a night shift on that  day, a group of man raped this pregnant woman and there was nothing she could do because at the end of the day 'This is a men's place why did you bring your wife here!'.
"In 1997 a report was submitted to the TRC, 9000 cases of violation submitted but only about 9 claimed rape." Now how on earth is this even possible! Are the men and women holding power in denial? We are exposed to the narrative that speaks only of heroism and sacrifices of many gallant comrades- a narrative that is true but incomplete, Redi explains, The war against apartheid was fought on and across women's and children's bodies. Many paid the price!" 
Jackie Phamotse : a writer, whom is the author of; BARE, I tweet what I like and my utmost favorite BARE: The Cradle of The Hockey Club.
The Cradle of The Hockey Club is a book I personally wish every female, young and old, should read. I couldn't put this book down-in 24 hours I was done, I cancelled plans and logged off socials just for this book. Jackie is a writer with a distinctive prose style. She takes us into a NOW world of glitz and glam on the outside but true HELL on earth internally. A lot is going on in this book but I choose to focus on the rapes and killings of women:
Now Jackie tells all in this book, I see it as no coincident that some of the incidents in this book corresponds with what we are seeing. 
We've been seeing real life sickening events of women and children found with mutilated body parts, missing and some never found, those found are tortured, raped if not murdered, they die soon after because of the serve injuries. The Cradle of The Hockey Club introduces us to the under world of power, money and straight demonic acts by Men. The young women fall  prey to sustain this Slay Queen lifestyle. Some end up being human trafficked. Tortured and raped just so they can drive that Range Rover, carry that LV bag, 42 inch weave on fleek check ins at Sandton and topped of with expensive trips to Dubai at any given time. One incident there is a billionaire who literally shits inside the girl's mouth, just for the fun of it.
If you fail to respect the culture of The Hockey Club in this world of The Elite, the Famous, the celebrities, Powerful men and women of statue with top Minister positions and self made millionaires/billionaire, You face being human trafficked, your body parts sold and being killed.
Today's society is so shoved up the "money's ass" and materiel fake life style they will go to such terrible extremes just for the money. At The Hockey club, if  a woman falls pregnant, her child is aborted and the fetus is taken by the 'Blesser' and used for Ukuthwala, which is the practice where people use human blood or spirit in a ritual exchange with dark spiritual force in order to secure wealth and political power. And you sit there and browse social media and wish you had their lives, a life you do not know what some of them had to do to get it.
Jackie shares A LOT  in this book, you would be blown away by the lifestyle  some of these young men driving expensive Mercedes with no known actual career. They pick up girls at clubs just to use you sexually so that their Tokoloshe can feed on you.
These Rich men aka Blessers abuse their wives to the core, some of these wives are forced to watch and join in as these demonic sexual practices take place. I could go on and on typing, but the point I am trying to put across is that the problem is bigger than we thought. Ku rough, Stay woke black child.

We are indeed fighting a losing battle....

Read books, research meaningful topics, educate yourself. be hungry for knowledge and always remember to pray for Wisdom.